Super Smash Bros Brawly Melee
by Mr. True Man
Summary: Mario finds himself and all of his friends abducted by a mysterious wormhole and brought to a tournament to determine the supreme Nintendo champion. But when the majority of his allies turn their backs on him in favor of Link, the tournament becomes a struggle for survival for Mario, with his enemies and random strangers being his only help.
1. Chapter 1

Super Smash Bros: Brawly Melee

Author's Note: Author Two says "Wow, it's been a long time, Author one. We haven't written one of these stories in a long time." Author one responds "Yeah, I know dude." Author two says "You know what we need to do?" Author one says "What?" Author two says" We need to pour our hearts and souls out. We need to write a story with more humor, character, and perversion than any story yet! My friend, tonight, we are going to write...

**Super Smash Bros: Brawly Melee**

Luigi was busy doing something stupid as usual. This time he was drinking a white sunshine smoothie outside. Today he added some brownies that he found on the ground. He savored the delicious creamy taste and the strangely flavored fudgie goodness of the ground brownies. Suddenly something occurred to Luigi. He sniffed the air, and suddenly let go of the glass, which fell to the ground and shattered, drowning the ants with the glimmering white joy of his drink.

"I sense a disturbance in the force..." he muttered to himself. Suddenly, he jolted into the forest as fast as his little legs could run. He came to a clearing and stood straight as a soldier and gave a salute up towards the sky. Then he spread his arms our and set his feet shoulder length apart.

"MAAAAARIOOOOO!" he shouted up to the high heavens.

A streak suddenly appeared in the sky. And this streak was Mario. Mario was plummeting towards the earth like a meteor. The look on his face was stern and determined. He was getting closer to Luigi. Within a minute he went from a streak in the sky barely visible from the ground to a flaming ball of energy growing ever closer. Luigi came into Mario's view. Luigi was standing still, his arms still outstretched, and his face intense, as if he was still screaming.

"No, Luigi!" Mario shouted, "Get out of the way!"

Luigi heard him, but did not budge. There was nothing Mario could do. Impact was imminent. And so Mario crashed full force directly into Luigi. They started bouncing, causing dirt to fly up each time they hit the ground. Finally they stopped bouncing and found themselves in a crater. They lay there side to side, opposite one another.

"Damn it, Luigi," Mario said, "You do this every time I go on a space mission!"

"Mario, I had so much fun this week! Oh, you won't believe all the things I did!"

"Luigi, I don't want to hear about it right now!"

"Okay, Mario, I'll save it for some other time."

"Oh..." Mario was shocked that Luigi actually listened to him. "So, did anything important happen while I was on my mission?"

"Well, the Princess wants to see you."

"Really? The Princess wants to see me?!" Mario said excitedly. "Luigi, I'm going to the castle! Don't screw anything up!"

And so Mario ran to the castle, extremely excited to see Peach. He opened the door and she was standing there waiting for him.

"Mario!" She exclaimed, "I missed you soooo much!"

"I missed you too, Princess Peach!"

"Come over here and hug me!"

"Oh boy!" Mario said. He ran up to hug her, but just as they were about to embrace Peach got sucked up by a worm hole!

"...What?" Mario was very confused. "...but... she was right there... she was..." Mario realized what this must mean. "Bowser!"

And so Mario ran over to Bowser's castle. He knocked on the door and yelled "Bowser! I've come for the Princess!"

"What?" Bowser yelled from the other side, "I don't have the Princess! I'm taking a bubble bath!"

"I don't believe you! Open up!"

"Fine! Let me get dressed, and I'll show you my whole castle! And you won't see any princesses here!"

"But you never wear clothes anyway!"

"…Shut up!" Bowser opened the door, still dripping with bubbles, and showed Mario around his house like he was giving a tour.

"…and this is my dungeon… this is my secret fetish room that I installed after I read Fifty Shades of Gray… and finally, here is my throne room."

"So, Peach really isn't here…" Mario pondered, "Where could she be?"

"I don't know, but she's not here! So if you could kindly—" Suddenly, a wormhole opened up and Bowser was sucked up too!

"Damn!" said Mario, "I guess I better go ask around to find some leads. This is weird!"

And so Mario ran into Yoshi, hoping for some answers.

"Ugh… hi Yoshi." He said.

"Yoshi!" responded Yoshi.

"Do you know where the Princess might be?"

"Yoshi! Yo—" then Yoshi too, was sucked into a wormhole.

"I hate to do this…" Mario sighed, "But there's only one person left to ask."

And so Mario made his way back to his house. He saw Luigi, still hanging outside, now with his mouth on the ground, licking up what was left of his smoothie. He got up as Mario approached and spit out the dirt and ants from his mouth.

"Hey Luigi…" Mario said.

"Hey Mario!" said Luigi, "Are you here to listen to what I did this week?"

"No Luigi… listen, do you have any idea what's going on here?"

"Well, we did get this letter a few days ago, but I forgot to give it to you…" Luigi got out a letter and prepared to hand it to Mario, but then the wormhole claimed another. The letter fell right into Mario's hand. Mario read it out loud.

"Let's see… 'you have been invited to compete in the great tournament, Super Smash Bros. Brawly Melee'… Brawly Melee? What kind of stupid name is—" Then Mario himself was sucked up by the wormhole, which had just claimed its very last competitor from the Mushroom Kingdom.

To Be Continued?

**Author's Note:**

Holy crap, we really have been gone a long time, eh? Well even though we haven't been submitting, we HAVE been coming up with ideas, and even writing some of it down! And even though we probably lost all our fans (and hopefully most of the people that hated us) we see this as a chance to gain new viewers and just entertain and make people laugh. This is a story that I wanted to have 100% done before I started submitting it, but we figured you guys deserve a taste of things to come. And as always PLEAAAASEEE review and leave your comments; we simply crave your feedback and we want enough of it to bathe in!


	2. Chapter 2

**Super Smash Bros: Brawly Melee: Chapter 2**

The wormhole brought Mario, and everyone else, to a gigantic white table, as if they were trophies. Mario saw Luigi, Peach, Yoshi, Wario, and many, MANY other characters from Nintendo, such as Kirby, Link, Pikachu, Zelda, Samus and many more. Suddenly a loud voice boomed through the area.

"Attention, competitors! Welcome to the great tournament, Super Smash Bros. Brawly Melee! I am your host, Master Hand! Today, you will all fight to the last person standing! And that person will be declared the winner of the Super Smash Bros. Tournament! Now, before the tournament starts, you will have one hour to meet your fellow competitors. You might find a valuable opportunity to make some allies! When this hour is up, you will be teleported to the battleground, which is a combination of all of your home lands! Good luck, brothers of the Smash!"

As soon as the voice went out, Link drew his sword and pointed it into the air. "Who wants to be on my team?" he called. Immediately, almost everyone in the crowd gathered behind Link.

"What?" Mario shouted, "Hey, c'mon guys? Doesn't anyone wanna be on my team?"

"Pssh!" said Link, "You may be the most popular character in Nintendo, but it looks like I got the most REAL fans!"

"What? You even got Luigi!" Mario said in shock, "… on second thought, keep him." Peach walked up to Link, excitedly.

"Oh, Link, you're so big and strong." She said giggling, "Can I touch your master sword?"

"Maybe later, homie G." Link said.

"Um, Link!" said Zelda, "What about me?"

"Hey, excuuuuuse me, Princess!" said Link sarcastically.

Mario was angry. "_Peach?_ I can't believe this!" he said.

"Believe it, Mario" Link taunted, "Nobody likes you! They'd pick me over you any day of the week!" Then Link and his huge crowd walked away.

"I can't believe this! Nobody wants to be on my team?"

"I'll be on your team, Mario." Came Bowser's voice from behind.

"Bowser?" Mario was surprised. "But why would you want to be on MY team? We're arch enemies!"

"Maybe in our world, Mario. But between everyone else here, you're the one I hate the least. If we can get through this together, I'll be fine being your arch enemy afterwards."

"Hmm…" Mario thought for a moment, "…Okay, Bowser. Consider us allies."

"Good. Then let's get going. The tournament is about to begin."

And so everyone got to their own platform and a buzzer rang. Everyone heard Master Hand's voice.

"The tournament is about to begin. The fighting begins when I say 'Go'! Do not leave your platforms before I say 'Go'. Remember, if you die, you lose. The platforms started to rise, and Master Hand began counting down. "Ten, nine, eight…"

The platforms brought the competitors through hatches and out onto the battlefield, which seemed to be a culmination of several major Nintendo landmarks, replicated detail for detail. Mario noticed Princess Peach's castle and an area that looked like part of the Mushroom Kingdom among them. Link saw a glimpse of Hyrule temple. Kirby took notice at what looked like a chunk of dreamland with a Whispy Woods tree. Fox noticed the Great Fox flying overhead, and he wondered if Slippy or Peppy were on board. In the center of all the competitors, however, there were crates, barrels, and bottles full of neat looking guns, swords, and other items.

"Five… Four…"

Falco was getting impatient. "This is taking too much time! I need to get some weapons, now!" Fox tried to stop Falco from leaving.

"Falco, NO!" Fox yelled. Too late; as Falco attempted to leave a giant blast was heard and a big explosion replaced Falco. Once the blast was clear, all that remained of Falco was a bunch of blue feathers drifting slowly back onto the ground. Pandemonium ensued.

"Holy shit! He's dead!" said one random competitor.

"Three… Two… One…" Master Hand's voice continued, "_GO!_"

Mario noticed everyone still distracted by Falco's death, which he figured would buy him some time. "Bowser, haul ass!" he yelled. Then Mario began hauling ass himself.

Mario only made it into the Whispy Woods chunk of Dreamland when he found himself abruptly halted by a cannon, attached to the wrist of none other than Samus Aran.

"Don't move, or I'll blow your head off." She said sternly.

"Holy shit," Mario said, noticing her voice "You're a girl?" Samus pressed the cannon closer to his head. Mario winced.

"People knew that since 1986, asshole. This is why no one is on your team; you're an inconsiderate prick!"

"Well, well, well" came a voice behind Mario. Link stepped out of the shadows. Mario had no idea he was there. "Mario, Mario, Mario. I must say you used that distraction well. Most of my team is still back there trying to figure out what's going on. But Samus here; she's got bird DNA. And me, well hey, I'm Link. We're just that good. So tell me, Mr. Nintendo All-star, how does it feel to lose within the first hour of the match?" Samus began charging her blaster.

"Wait Link, you don't want to kill me!"

"Oh, really? Why ever not?"

"There's someone here even worse than me! Look!"

Link looked over to where Mario gestured and saw none other than Sonic the hedgehog warming up, spinning around, and generally looking like an egotistical bigot. He said to himself "I'm too fast!" and "I'm way past cool." Link's eyebrows arched in an angry fashion and he grew a stone cold grimace upon seeing Sonic. At this point, some more of Link's posse joined them.

"Think about it, Link," Mario said, "He's a disgrace to even be here. Would it really be fair to kill off Nintendo's icon before Sonic the Hedgehog? Not to mention he's cheap as hell!"

Samus immediately stopped charging her blaster and lowered it from Mario's head. Link backed up from Mario and said "Okay, everyone! First we kill that blue bastard Sonic! Then we kill the plumber!"

And so Link's squad all raced towards Sonic, giving Mario a chance to escape, which he took immediately.

"You'll never catch me!" said Sonic. They caught him within seconds. All Mario saw as he looked back was bloody and chunks of Sonic meat flying off the hedgehog as he was slashed, burnt, shot, PK fired, iced, and pawnched into a quivering, lifeless bloody pulp. It didn't buy Mario a ton of time, but it was sure enough to get him out of everyone's sight. Soon Mario heard another voice.

"Hey, Mario! Over here!"

"Bowser?" Mario questioned.

"Shhh! Over here… I'm a ninja"

"Bowser!" Mario said, this time a lot quieter, "I've never been happy to see you before!" He walked over to Bowser, who was awkwardly hiding behind a tree that was way too thin to actually hide him from anything.

"Mario, if we want to survive, we need some weapons. I think we'll have a chance if we can get to Peach's castle."

"No," said Mario, "that's too obvious. They'll expect us to go there. We need to go somewhere inconspicuous, but it should be a place we know too…"

"Yoshi's Island?"

"Well, it's a little less conspicuous than Peach's castle, and if I can't get Yoshi to join us then we can probably just take him out easily... he's a low-tier character."

"I guess that's a pretty good bet. We better get going."

While Mario and Bowser started for Yoshi's Island, Link gathered his group in the center arena, where they began gathering weapons.

"Okay, everyone!" He said, "Mario and Bowser could be anywhere. Maybe they went to a Mario location, or maybe they thought that was too obvious and went somewhere else. So what we're going to is organize into smaller squads and hide around all the major landmarks. And when you see Mario, we ambush him. But don't kill him; I want you to save that part for me." Link put away his Master Sword and picked up a glowing beam sword instead.

"Oh, Link," said Peach, "You're so… strategic."

"Tell me something I don't know, toots." He said as he put an arm around her. Zelda glared at them in envy.

In a few hours, Link's miniature army had disbursed around the land, ready to ambush Mario. Staged to wait around the Mushroom Kingdom area was Ness, Lucas, Captain Falcon, Nana and Popo, Jigglypuff, Wario, and Pit. Since there wasn't much action, Ness and Lucas played baseball to pass the time while Captain Falcon took it upon himself to flirt with the ladies.

"So, you're like, a real race car driver?" asked Nana.

"Baby, you ain't never seen any race car driver like me!" the captain responded. Meanwhile, Wario was getting bored.

"Wheh!" he yelled, "When am I gonna get to do something! I need something to either eat or kill!" He started looking around. Then he found the two dimensional Mr. Game and Watch. "Wheh? Well I guess I can kill you."

Mr. Game and Watch was silent, but he got out a pan and flipped out a strip of bacon. Wario caught it in his mouth.

"Mmm, bacon!"

Mr. Game and Watch continued to launch Bacon into Wario's mouth. Wario didn't notice his body getting fatter and fatter as he inflated like a balloon. Meanwhile Nana, Jigglypuff, and Pit were all caught up with the glorious hunk of man that was Captain Falcon.

"So tell us what you can do with all that raw testosterone." Said Nana, totally hot for Captain Falcon.

"Well I can do this—Boom, wah, ha!" he said as he struck three different poses, flexing his extremely toned muscles. Pit felt guilty about how aroused he was getting. He felt more like a devil than an angel.

"Ooh, that's so… hot!" said Nana, "And it's not just because I'm wearing this jacket…"

"And I can do this thing called a Falcon Punch. It's pretty much the coolest thing ever."

"Oh, wow! Tell me more!"

"I can do better than that, honey. I can show you!" Captain falcon turned around to see a now massive-sized Wario! "Ah, here's something I can hit! Check it out!" He prepared himself. "Falcon…" he brought back his fist. "PAWNCH!"

Captain Falcon sent his fist flying forward into Wario's pudge. Time stopped for a moment. First the air compressed around them, then Wario exploded in a massive fart of thermonuclear proportions, which disintegrated Wario, Captain Falcon, and Mr. Game and watch on the spot. The entire area was flooded with blood and bacon bits, and the area was desomated for miles upon miles. If the rest of the group didn't drown in blood, then it was Wario's poison gas that killed them.

Mario and Bowser, who were now making their way along Donkey Knog's territory, only heard the boom, and weren't aware of the massive destruction that had just happened.

"What do you think that was?" asked Bowser.

"I don't know," responded Mario, "But I think we better keep moving. We might—"

Just then, Mario noticed the shadows of five figures looking over him. He made them out to be the Pokemon trainer, along with Chrizard, Squirtle, Ivysaur, and Pikachu. Another party Link sent out.

"Ha!" said the Pokemon trainer, "Link told me to let him know if I found you, Mario, but I think me and my boys can take you out on our own!"

The pokemon all stepped forward. Bowser and Charizard locked eyes, as a realization washed over them both. Mario noticed that they were both obviously surprised to see each other.

"Cousin Charlie?" Bowser asked in disbelief.

"Cousin Bowser?" Charizard said, equally as fazed.

"I haven't seen you in years!" Bowser was elated.

"I know! I missed you buddy!" Charizard seemed equally as happy

"Hey, why don't you come over to our side?" Bowser offered.

"Sure!" And so Charizard went over by Mario and Bowser's side. The trainer couldn't believe his own pokemon ditched him.

"Charizard, what the fuck!" he yelled. Bowser looked over to Charizard.

"You know what to do, cousin" he said with a grin. Charizard got a reptilian smirk on his face. The next six minutes Mario witnessed were some of the most disturbing, violent, animalistic, and cannibalistic feastings he had ever seen, as Bowser and Charizard chowed down on the Trainer and the other pokemon. Soon, only Pikachu was left, cowering beneath the two giant reptiles.

"Oh man," said Bowser, "I've gotta say, those pokemon were almost as good as the human's flesh."

"I agree," said Charizard, "That Squirtle was a little bit watery though. It got all over me!"

"Yeah, it even put your flame out."

"Huh?!" Charizard looked behind him to see that the flame on his tail had gone out. "Oh, no…" Charizard closed his eyes as life left him. The flame on his tail was essential to keeping him alive. As his legs gave way, he landed directly on top of Pikachu, reducing the rodent to a gallon of blood which spilled all over DK's docks.

"Rest well cousin…" said Bowser sadly, "Your death will not be in vein…" A single tear rolled down Bowser's cheek. Then he picked up Charizard's body and gently laid it to rest in the jungle river, where it was carried away by the river's flow. Mario would have given a salute to his fallen ally, but he was still too disgusted by the scene he had witnessed just minutes prior.

"Well, at least I got a good meal out of it." Said Bowser, already done mourning.

"Let's never talk about this again." Said Mario.

And so the two continued their journey, finding themselves even deeper in the jungle. They came across a wooden hut with a barrel as an outhouse. Mario picked up a faint sound coming from the outhouse.

"Is that… wimpering?" he asked himself. He slowly opened the door, defense high in case of an ambush. What he saw on the other end, however, was a blood soaked Lucas, wimpering in despair. "Whoa, what happened to you, kid?" Mario asked in shock.

"They're dead… they're all dead… my group… my best friend…" Lucas said as if he were in a trance.

"Whoah, okay, just relax!" Mario said, "Tell me how did it happen? What did this to you?"

"W-Wario… Falcon Punch…explosion… so… much… blood…"

"Explosion? I guess that was the boom we heard earlier. Anyways, you better come with us, kid." Mario extended his hand for Lucas.

"NO!" Lucas slapped Mario's hand away, "There's nowhere to go! There's nothing to do! There's no point anymore! It's over! It's all over!" Lucas took out a Smash Bros. Blaster and put the barrel in his mouth.

"No! Wait!" Mario tried to stop him, but it was too late. Lucas's brain was reduced to a bloody soup with fragments of his skull scattered all throughout the outhouse. Mario's eyes widened in horror as Lucas's corpse slumped over, while Bowser started laughing out loud.

"I'm sorry," said Bowser, "There's just something about little kids dying that just cracks me up."

"That's NOT FUNNY, you sicko!" Mario yelled. Suddenly, a loud apelike howl was heard. Down from the trees came Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong. Donkey Kong beat his chest and prepared to fight.

"Well, Donkey Kong, it looks like we've got a couple of intruders in our jungle." Said Diddy. Donkey just let out another animalistic roar. "I don't know if you two know this," Diddy continued, "but my pal DK here don't take too kindly to trespassers."

"Wait, Diddy Kong," said Mario.

"Don't tell me to wait," said Diddy, "my pal DK here is the one who'll rip your head off."

"Okay… DK," said Mario, "I know we've had our differences. But right now Link is sending his extermination squads all over the place to kill me and anyone who's not on his team. If we're not careful, Link will kill everyone here!"

DK looked completely unfazed.

"Your time's tickin', pal." Said Diddy.

Mario thought for a moment. Then he knew exactly what to say. "Plus… I heard that Link didn't want you on his team because he thinks you're dumb. Are you really going to just let him get away with that? I say you team up with us, and we'll show him he's stupid for thinking you're stupid!"

DK smashed the ground with his fist. "DK NO STUPID!" he yelled. Then he got behind Mario.

"Well, pal," said Diddy, "I gotta hand it to ya'. You won over my friend here, and us Kongs have got to stick together. We're right behind ya'."

"Great. We're heading for Yoshi's Island. Maybe you can lead us out of the jungle." Mario suggested.

"DK KNOW WAY!" yelled DK.

"Ya' hear that? DK know way." Said Diddy, "Follow the big man!"


End file.
